1) Brainstorm ways to regularly reconnect: date nights, returning to doing activities you both enjoy (remember those?) or making a point to share meals together without the television on and with blackberries turned off.
2) Talk about the “unspoken rules”. If you are feeling resentful because it always seems like its your job to take out the trash or plan the family outings—bring it up by suggesting a change to this automatic way of doing things. Often times, people don’t even realize that they have moved into default mode.
3) Sometimes the energy to create romance isn’t there for a multitude of reasons that do not stem directly from your couplehood (unemployment, overall stress, health worries, etc.). If things don’t feel as intimate as they used to be ask your partner about it. Sensitive issues like this require both parties to feel open and willing to talk. Bringing the subject up by speaking of your own experience and then asking what the other person is feeling helps to avoid blaming and putting the other person on the defensive. (“I’ve felt like things have been so stressful lately that we have had no quality time together—how has it been for you?”)
4) If you are feeling down or stressed, be aware that your partner is not a mind reader and may not be able to understand how outside factors are affecting you until you tell them. These conversations can go a long way in preventing misunderstandings and added negative feelings.